Monday, March 30, 2009

move back to NY, or NJ, or PA, or Bwoston

It took me a little while to decide what my initial post would consist of, and after much deliberation, I have to get this off my chest first...

One thing I abhor is the uneducated, 'down on the farm' southern accent. Could you even call it an accent? It's almost a way of animal communication, what with the missing teeth, Tweety bird shirts, and John Deere hats that only this 'race' of people flaunt. I live in the south, was born here, and will probably remain here, but have never and will never sound like these 'people'.

Getting to my point... the southern accent is definitely not a rarity in, what some would call, my bias opinion. For the past, I don't know, decade or so, 'lovely' Americans from New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts (the New England states in general) have discovered the amazing and enjoyable southern way of life: less congestion, people are polite and courteous, and the commutes are more tranquil. The air (literally and figuratively speaking) is easier to breathe.

GO. BACK. UP. THERE. I don't blame you for being able to sell your shabby townhouse and suburban 1100 square foot cottages (for ridiculous amounts of cash), and then grabbing up stately mansions and compounds on the beautiful lakes here without a loan. That's awesome. That's common sense. I'd do it too. But do NOT come down here and start complaining about "missing the city" or start putting your two cents in about how government could be better here, or how city beautification efforts are not like they are back home.

And please, pleeeeeease shut up (really getting to my point). The accent from up there is just as bad, if not worse than the toothless rednecks here. Talk about uneducated, rude, and downright idiotic - this is the epitome of all that. It's also gotten to the point where I can see someone in public and tell if they're from up north or not -without them saying a word. You know what I'm talking about: the dark haired, big-nosed Italian mafia look. Men AND women. They can't dress, their hair is slicked back (men) or long, stringy, and boring (women), and have so much gold jewelry on that they look like they robbed Cash4Gold. Hideous.

Oh yea, they can't drive either. You wouldn't believe how many collisions have occurred because some Northerner is driving along not paying attention to the road, but admiring our angelic scenery. I've seen it with my own eyes. A New York license plate on a Chevy Suburban slamming on their breaks going across a pristine lake; or a Pennsylvania tag on a minivan rounding out turns on a scenic road like they're a Nascar driver only to fool themselves and straddle the roadside.
Trust me, the list goes on and on... Rednecks come from everywhere, not just the South.

.you are a plague.

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