Monday, June 28, 2010

Ebony, but no Ivory?

As I was recently strolling through Target (one of my favorite stores because it lacks the WalMart shoppers), I noticed something that did disappoint me...

I was pleased to see an 'Ebony' greeting card section [yay for the blacks! yet another race-appeasing social move to make you feel more like you own the planet]. So, I decided to see if there was an 'Ivory' section, all the while knowing there wouldn't be- and I was correct! Go figure!

What would Ebony-specific cards have written in them anyway?  Or pictured on the outside?
Misspelled 'simplified' ebonics English? Congratulating another on their purchase of a $80,000 Mercedes with drug money?  Picture of Oprah? Al Sharpton?  Kanye West?

Oh no, I'm a racist/stereo-typist now, huh?  But you're not, even though you have your Ebony card section?

.you are a plague.

Leia Mais…

Monday, May 24, 2010

Chest and [FL]abs

We've all seen it:  the moronic, inbred, thinks-he's-hot 20-something fraternity drop-out with a somewhat decent body- until you see his stomach. 
Beer has taken over his gut, and he doesn't seem to realize it.  He continues to pump the iron for those amazing arms, pecs, thighs and legs, all while thinking he still has a six-pack that can be shown off anywhere.  To me, all that work is definitely wasted because if I were one of the 13 blond bimbos underneath him at Senior Week (which he still looks forward to year-round), my g-spot would definitely not be in working order after seeing that mound between pecs of steel and hairless man-parts.

Yo, douchebag... keep your sparkly Ed Hardy shirt on, try single-fisting a light beer (because we know you can't stop drinking) and act your age.  Oh, and we could care less about your tribal art arm band tattoo that's perfectly placed around your amazing bicep.  It's so sad that your type is a dime per dozen, no?

.you are a plague.

Leia Mais…

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

This week in religion: evolution! "Oh no!"

"I didn't come from no damn monkey!" is usually what you hear from the typical Bible-bending redneck.  Who has said that we came from monkeys?!  Evolution is a very slow process.  So slow that that redneck can't fathom millions of years, yet alone counting past 100.  Obvious physical features, combined with studies on primate mental and cognitive traits clearly resemble our own.  Does it mean a 'monkey' birthed you from its loins?  No. 

Evolution combined with natural selection or 'survival of the fittest' is so rational that is slaps you in the face.  Birth traits that are different, yet remain strong for specific reasons, will naturally sustain life in a more efficient manner, making way for improved offspring.  Thus, long story short, we now have a booming civilization of humans, not from Adam and Eve nor monkeys, but primates- a primitive form of us.

I can't say it enough: think for yourself, be open to and consider highly intelligent scientists' theories, remove your halo and climb down off of your pearly white cathedral pedestal surrounded by fog formed from holy water.

.you are a plague.

Leia Mais…

Sunday, April 4, 2010

This week in religion: primitive thinking.

There are limitless possibilities for us as a civilization, and as a planet - as long as we take the steps to come close to those possibilities before our star (the Sun, for those that didn't know that's what it is) explodes and engulfs us. Maybe that's the 'fire and brimstone' era of the future that is preached upon us... ha.

Science isn't mumbo jumbo, people.  We are on a tiny planet, in a tiny solar system, in a tiny galaxy surrounded by trillions of other solar systems.  NASA has only begun to break the ice on discovering exoplanets.  We're still the only planet with life though, right?  We were created by one man, in seven days, and there is no other type of life elsewhere in our never-ending universe.  If you believe this, you are more primitive than the microscopic bacteria that likely started growth on Earth billions of years ago. 

I don't know, but I know there is life out there.  Only sheer logic, probability, and science prove this to me.

I have one other thing for you to consider:  have you heard about the ancient hieroglyphics that have been uncovered depicting 'men' in headgear that are clearly similar to oxygen masks, and aircraft that resemble helicopters and UFOs reportedly spotted all over the world?  I'm not going to say I think we were brought here by aliens and meant to populate this planet, but I definitely feel it is more logical that the aforementioned possibility.  Aliens may not be 'aliens' at all... they could walk, talk, eat, breathe, have sex, and live the same ways we do. 

I leave you with this witty, but brutal phrase I read on Digg:
Science flies you to the moon.  Religion flies you into buildings.

.you are a plague.

Leia Mais…

Saturday, April 3, 2010

This week in religion: an answer for everything.

Solely worshipping and believing and praying for things that have been crammed into your mind isn't mentally healthy.  Avid church-goers grow up with their parents and other family members constantly telling them what's right and wrong, what is a sin and what isn't.  This is merely mind control, using fear, the greatest fear being eternal burning with the 'Devil'. 

There seems to be an answer to everything with Christians (and I'm going to use Christianity mostly, due to my lack of knowledge and ignorance in regards to other religions, even though they're all similar).
For instance, one fear-feeding phrase that pisses me off the most: "Satan's biggest accomplishment is for people to believe he doesn't exist".   That is absolutely preposterous.  A kindergartner could come up with that, yet millions follow that underdeveloped mindset.

When asked anything about good fortune- a tornado missing one's house, not getting ran over by a train, or winning the lottery.... it's all because the Lord 'raised his hand and watched over me.'  When asked about bad fortune- contracting an STD, crashing head-on into a transfer truck, or failing a test.... it's all because the Lord 'knows what is best and has his plan for me, even if it isn't now.'  Horse shit.

What about sinning, you ask?  Well, you may not ask, but I do.  I know so many people that attend church every Sunday and/or Wednesday, constantly asking for their sins to be forgiven.  Surely, you see what I'm getting at.  If you are so against premarital sex, offensive language, snortin' blow, and taking money from your cash register at work, then don't do it.  Oh wait- you can, as long as you ask the Lord for forgiveness so you can still see the pearly gates.

Think for yourself.  Be open-minded.  Don't disregard theories or experiments or outlandish things that seem impossible or ungodly.

.you are a plague.

Leia Mais…

Friday, April 2, 2010

This week in religion: a cover-up for insecurity.

I'm going to tackle this topic not as one post, but a week of posts filled with my opinions.  Remember, everyone has them. 

I just have so much to say about religion, Christian extremists, 'sinning', where we came from, etc., that I didn't want to cram it into one unabridged screen full of text that would hurt my 4 readers' eyes.

I'll start with a quote from a Facebook 'friend' of mine the other day while it's fresh on my mind:
"I'd rather live life as if there is a God then find out there isn't - than live life as if there's not a God and die and find out there is."
It is crystal clear to me that she's only rephrasing what I've always thought about religion in general, and she doesn't even realize it.  Religion, to me, helps get rid of the fear of death and what happens after you die.  Do correct me if I'm wrong but that's what she said, just in her words.

And here's a quote from a more notable source:
"Belief is a cover-up for insecurity" -Deepak Chopra

The majority of my family is religious, goes to church regularly, and is forgiven of their sins just like every other Christian.  I will not berate, bad-mouth, or harass religion in this week of posts- I'll just question it a bit...  After all, we are free to believe, think, say, feel, and worship what we want, right?

.you are a plague.

Leia Mais…

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

It's called 'supply and demand', blacks.

...and I refer to caucasians as 'whites' also, so don't start running that mouth.

Anyway, if you haven't heard... a Wal-Mart in Lousiana had black Barbie dolls on clearance for half the price of the same white Barbie dolls adjacent to them.

Economics logic: when something doesn't sell, lower. the. price.  End of story.
If anything, the parents buying the black Barbies for their chaps are getting a deal, right?

This just gives the NAACP and Al Sharpton something else to bitch and moan over.

Let's look at the real problem here:  The nerve of Wal-Mart for actually selling the black Barbies. They should be free- as in freedom.  Get it?

.you are a plague.

Leia Mais…

Thursday, March 11, 2010

OMG, you have an iPhone?!

Totally sick of hearing about it.  Please just say 'cell phone' or 'phone'... not 'Where's my iPhone?' or 'call my iPhone.' 

The iPhone might have been considered a status symbol like FIVE years ago, but any Jack in the Box grill cook could walk into AT&T and get one nowadays.... IF they want to commit to AT&T's dropped calls and hour-delayed email service.  You can probably guess who my trusty mobile carrier is...

...and if/when that carrier gets the iPhone, then I might consider purchasing it.  Until then, I'll talk/text/email on my Droid cell phone, which is just as good, if not better.

I've had two Blackberrys too... no complaints there either.

.you are a plague.

Leia Mais…

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Yes, I know... February is Black History Month.

...but I'm cheerfully surprised that we aren't being inundated with Martin Luther King commercials, and crap spewing from Al Sharpton's portal of African American wisdom mouth.  At least not yet.

I'm going to go out on a limb and just ask: Why does Hispanic Heritage Month (Sept. 15-Oct. 15) not get as much publicity and notoriety? 
Why no White History Month? Well, I know the answer to that: it would be racist.

When will we be able to let the past go?  Slavery is no more (except, of course, in many bedrooms and swingers houses peppered across our fine nation).  If anything, Asians, Caucasians, Latinos, Indians, Africans, Arabians... we're ALL discriminated against in different ways. 

Let's make a Black History Hour Week or something...

.you are a plague.

Leia Mais…

Friday, January 29, 2010

Little Miss Glitzy Bedazzled Glamourous Ultra Grand Supreme Princess.

Everyone thinks their child is the most beautiful creation known to man.
To the pageant moms and dads: YOU ARE WRONG ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN.
In fact, the children NOT in pageants are more beautiful than your showy, orange-skinned, flipper-wearing, horse-haired brats with 5 lbs. of makeup covering their mugs.

In person, they most certainly do not look like they do in those horrible airbrushed 'professional' photos that look just like Macy Sue's from four states away.  By 'winning' Little Miss whatever, they will not have a year of traveling and exhibiting their humanitarian efforts for Haitian earthquake victims.  They will not be your meal ticket to bring you fame, which you so obviously desire.  Their talents are not talents.  They will not meet Donald Trump.  No movie producers, nor music producers, nor modeling agencies are there scouting your fake adorable ass child you strut as cattle (has anyone else noticed the chairs in these banquet halls where pageants are held are all e-m-p-t-y?).

And please explain to me how they show their 'personality' when they're 18 months old and you bounce them up and down in your hands across the stage.  That's as much personality as a hamster trying to hang himself from his exercise wheel...

Unmistakably, the parents are the enigma indeed.  They spend hundreds just to enter one spectacle.  Then upwards of thousands of dollars on outfits, accessories, and something called brainwashing training. Then hours and hours of practice and travel time.... all for the 1 in 30 probability of winning maybe $750.  Take some math classes.

They will not be famous.  They will not make you rich.  They are not learning anything but how to look clumsy while scampering across a stage. There's a good chance they will hate you for this.

they- and you- are a plague.
(my tiny bit of research and amusement derived from the TLC show Toddlers and Tiaras, obviously.  Yes, I'm embarrassed.  But I'm positive 95% of pageants are just as they are depicted on that show.)

Leia Mais…